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Hi all,
My name's Jade and I am both new to the Village (sort of) and
new to blogging so be nice please. As I said, I suppose I could
be classed as a new resident, I moved up here permanently nearly
7 months ago and I live with my Gran in the village. However,
I've been visiting often for the past 6 years so I know pretty
much everything I need to know about Hovingham, you know, where
the ice cream is, the best place for a walk and the quickest
way home, that sort of thing. Which is all you need to know
really, isn't it?
A friend suggested Hovingham should have a blog, like Scackleton
has one (which by the way, is very cool, you should all go read
it after mine.) and I volunteered. I like writing, mainly fiction
but I'll pretty much do anything. I had an article in HandS
(which had a grand total of 8 pages! It's getting bigger every
month!), as people want teenagers to try their hand at volunteering
for different activities. If anyone wants to do the next one,
or could do a drawing, or anything really. Let me know. You'll
know me, I'm the girl with the awesome Gran and the poodle who
never shuts up. At the age of 15 though, I am practically ancient
and may view things in a very old fashioned manner, I apologise
if this bothers all the spring chickens out there.
Hopefully I can update this on the 1st of every month, so keep
your eyes peeled!
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Jade Delaney.
1st July 2009 |
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The
weather’s been nice, I suppose. It was all lovely and
hot during the last week of term and then when I broke up it
went back to being rainy, dull and generally unpredictable.
However, that has not stopped the onslaught of bugs, flies,
bees and wasps that have started to appear. It’s really
annoying; it means I have to wash up straight after we eat.
Seeing as it is looking to be shaping up as a very buggy summer
I have written the following guidelines for you to follow:
1) Do not apply
lipstick just before jogging down by the river. It will act
as an adhesive and your lips will get covered in a layer of
gnats.
2) Make sure your draught excluder is flush with your window
frame. If there are gaps on either side, mosquitoes will sneak
in to hold a dance party on your ceiling and your body will
serve as the open bar.
3) Do not open your back door even if it’s the only way
you can get any cross breeze. This is an invitation for obese
flies to congregate in a lethargic ball above your coffee table,
so that you cannot see past them to the TV.
4) Always lock your front door. Water bugs have been known to
climb stairs, fill tubs, and they are notoriously wasteful when
it comes to designer bubble bath.
5) When your adorable little niece comes over, don’t let
her spit out a half-sucked butterscotch on your front step.
Starving ants from six surrounding counties will hitch rides
to your place for the feast.
6) If you leave your door open too long while bringing in groceries,
wild horse flies will gallop in behind you, then stampede all
over your famous pasta salad.
7) Be sure to replace the broken window in your bedroom. You
don’t want bumblebees to fly in and pollinate the flowers
on your bed sheets.
8) Moths? Don’t even think about turning on any lights
until after September.
9) If you’re sitting on a lawn chair at a friend’s
barbecue and you don’t tuck your feet up under you, red
ants will march up your leg and quickly transform it into a
military zone.
10) Similarly, if there are any gaps in your double-glazing,
wasps will strong-arm their way through and shoot you.
Remember, it’s going to be particularly buggy this summer,
so in addition to all of the above considerations, it’s
recommended that you sleep with your eyes open, your mouth closed,
and your earplugs in.
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Jade, 28th
July 2009 |
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My last week has
been rather busy, hence why I haven’t updated sooner.
It’s certainly been an interesting week too. I have found
my one true calling in life, which is a good job because according
to some random tourist I’m 25 so it’s probably time
I settled down.
My week started off with fence painting. As some of you may
have noticed the once shabby fences are now a bright, refreshing
white. Can I see any of these from my house? No. All the words
in front of my house are still shabby although apparently some
painters are coming to do them in the next few weeks. But it’ll
probably rain. Never mind, I shan’t complain. Painting
was fun, I really liked it, and it was good weather too.
As I mentioned before, when I was painting I heard some tourists
discuss how good it was that the “youth” of the
village were getting involved. I was rather pleased until one
person said, “She’s hardly the youth, she looks
about 25.” Naturally my first thought was I have somehow
got the paint in my hair and it looks white, until I realised
that that even I wasn’t that messy. Although I did manage
to get some on my knees, glasses and the corner of my eye. Yes,
I was wearing long jean-type things. I’m not sure how
I did it, it’s a talent acquired with age, and I should
know I’ve spent the last 25 years of my life working for
it.
My second volunteering job and my true calling is raffle ticket
selling. Seriously, there is nothing more fulfilling than sitting
down and calling, “Would you like some raffle tickets”?,
only to have people glance at you and then walk straight past
as if you never said anything, and they were the nice ones.
It’s delightful. I did have to get up at the crack of
dawn (7:30 am) to be there though, it was tragic.
The Village Hall was also the place to be refreshment wise as
well, one ladies Victoria Sponge was so good that a man who
claimed to be an expert when it came to Victoria Sponge asked
who’d baked it and then gone and told her how fabulous
it was.
My neighbour also made a very tasty chocolate cake, (she puts
the cocoa in last, apparently it helps) and whilst I am not
an expert in chocolate cake (maybe that’s what I should
be when I’m older!), I’ve had a lot of it in the
past, and this outdid them all!
I’m pretty sure the car boot went well. From what I saw
there was a lot of people milling around having a nosy. I struggled
crossing the road because of all the cars, so when that happens
you know it’s all good.
Until next time then,
Ciao!
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Jade, 9th
September 2009 |
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Last night
I realised it was time for me to write another blog and I groaned
inwardly. I quite like doing this, as English is sort of my
thing and I’m good at it, but then the thought of doing
more work in front of the computer had me feeling faint...or
was that the paint fumes from the bathroom? Either way I was
feeling faint.
Even as I sit here now, in the Animal Care computer lab at lunch
time with an empty word document in front of me, I wonder what
I’m going to write about. That’s when my teacher
gave me inspiration; it’s currently ten to one and in
the course of the day I have done three lessons, finished my
English coursework, watched a clip for science, done some Creative
Writing for a course and fell off a chair. That’s a busy
morning, and everyone wonders why I’m not out of bed before
eleven at the weekend?!
The general idea is this, kids have it easy. I agree in some
ways, for example I’m not using pen and paper to write
this, and I’m not about to hop on a horse to deliver it.
But then did you ever have to learn about Iambic Pentameter
at school? I was told the other day that we should do more useful
stuff, like learn how to address envelopes because apparently
I write the address too far down, but the point is we do still
learn about that. We go to school, come back home and then get
Domestic Lesson No. 9890; how to clean the shower.
Woo. I bet you’re all jealous.
Then of course we have other things to contend with, for example,
the dreaded P.E. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate most forms of
P.E. However I love the Fitness Suite and basketball, mainly
because I don’t have to do much. Then there’s the
teacher who hates me, and the bus driver hates me, and my maths
teacher hates me, and my science teacher will hate me if I don’t
get an A* on my exam, and I’ve not even mentioned ICT
yet, and I won’t because even though she does hate me,
she hates everyone.
See? They think I’m too chatty, I prefer to think I’m
friendly.
They think I’m too good at something, I prefer to think...I’m
good at something.
They think I could try harder I tend to think I can’t
be perfect.
They remind me that I have a responsibility to do my homework
and I would like to remind them they have a duty to change their
pants and stop people passing out.
They tell me that it is my duty to look smart; I would like
to tell them it is their duty to look awake.
I am informed I should be punctual; I’d love to inform
them they should turn up at least once a year.
So when someone next says that we have it easy, I am going to
walk away with my head held high and my top button done up like
a good pupil. Sometimes old saying like that are untrue.
Now, I’m off to attend my next lesson which should be
fun, the back of this chair is horrible and my back ain’t
what it used to be you know, and that is true. |
Jade, 1st
October 2009 |
| I’m
a Villager, Get Me Out of Here!
Last night I successfully completed my first bush-tucker trial.
Ridding my room of the Undefeatable Wasp (that my Gran insists
wasn’t there). It took numerous swats, a whole can of
hairspray and a glass of coke before I finally got rid of it.
Some may think I am over-reacting, but trust me; I can’t
sleep if there is something bright yellow and potentially harmful
sharing the warmth of my bed.
Today, (at Animal Care again) I was given FIVE assignments,
which, lovie, is ridiculous. It is the open evening tomorrow
night and I will tell you this for free I did more cleaning
there than I have ever done in my entire life, and my Gran will
back me up with this! I had to wash pipes - it was Domestic
Lesson No. 894674736.
So my hands are aching, my back isn’t what it used to
be, but still, I will soldier on; this is the kind of attitude
you need when you live in a place like Hovingham.
I don’t know how I am going to cope with writing this
afternoon though, o, the tragedy!
|
Jade, 2nd December 2009 |
You know something? All my friends know
what they are getting for Christmas, my sister knows what she
is getting for Christmas (nothing) and even the DOG knows what
he is getting for Christmas. Well, he thinks he does. Truth
be told the bones aren’t for him but he doesn’t
need to know till Christmas. But do I know what I’m getting
for Christmas? No. The point of this article is not to moan
about what I don’t or might or will have for Christmas,
nor is it to see how many times I can put the word “Christmas”
into one article either. It is to evaluate and analyze (just
like my Science Coursework!) the importance of the Hovingham
Christmas Market. Personally all of my Christmas shopping is
done and most of it is wrapped, (my best friend said it was
horrendous. Sorry, ex best friend.) but I know for a fact my
Gran hasn’t finished, I mean she still has to get the
dog something and there’s a pet stall at the Market. There’s
also food for your Christmas dinner and chocolates to give as
gifts. So why would you go anywhere else when you have such
brilliancy on your doorstep? I’ve got used to having to
go 30 miles till I get to New Look, I’ve got used to people
saying “it’s just down the road” when in truth
it’s 8 miles away, but you can actually walk to this market!
After you have bought your many presents on this market, you
can enjoy the refreshments provided by the Playground Committee,
so it’s definitely worth going. But most of all, Merry
Christmas and make sure you knock the door down before you try
and get through it after Christmas Dinner. |
Jade, 12th December 2009 |
I probably haven’t written a new blog in months and my
promise of writing once a month is likely to be
well down the drain and on its way to the Pacific, for which I
am truly sorry. The dolphins shouldn’t have to suffer for
my sin.
My only excuse is that I am currently applying for college, and
there is enough steam coming out of my ears to help with enough
nuclear fission, to fuel England for weeks; maybe even months.
On top of college there is the dreaded – whispers - GCSE’s,
so I’ve been just a tiny bit busy lately. And I still have
no idea what I’m doing, hey ho, I’ll figure something
out. Well, maybe figure is the wrong word…but something
has to go well soon! It has too!
In the mean time, whilst I wait for my fairy godmother. Wait!
What was that noise? Oh, false alarm, an owl. I could do with
a wise owl, but they aren’t actually wise; in fact they’re
pretty stupid. Anyway, I digress, here is a quick rundown of what
has happened in the Village.
Today the Village Playground was reopened, and I am sure that
I am not too old to appreciate this. It’s not like I’m
almost sixteen or anything. Typically, it was raining at the Grand
Opening, but I’m sure everything was fabulous and amazing,
as well as cold and wet. At least now, there is no need for small
children to wear helmets every time they pass under a tree, just
in case it falls.
There will be trees with ribbons on them soon though, no it isn’t
their birthday, these are the trees in which nest boxes will be
installed. Members of the Wildlife group made these themselves
from kits, and apparently their initials are on them too, so if
one of them becomes rich, we can trade it off for lots of money.
I didn’t help though. Not because I was in bed. It was because
it was…dangerous - for other people. Saws, drills, and basic
construction has never, ever been a friend of mine. I still find
cutting difficult, so it was best for everyone if I stayed at
home.
We’ve also had two very snazzy new village signs put up.
They look beautiful, and I am sure that birds will be ‘whitening’
them for many years to come. First impressions have to be good
and all that, the signs are the first thing you see when you enter
the village, so hopefully they’ll be sending out some very
positive vibes to visitors.
As well as that (as well as! I know! We’ve had almost as
much work done as we had snow!), the ladies toilet has been refurbished
in the Village Hall. I know you were all dying to know about the
toilets, and I am never one to disappoint.
I think that’s about it. Actually, I have probably missed
something vital, and I’ll get shouted at for it, but right
now I can’t remember. My March resolution will be to try
and remember to blog more, although my memory is a bit like my
back, and it’s only getting worse with old age. |
Jade, 24th March 2010 |
With the recent weather being so nice,
I’ve been venturing out a little more often. Not more
than once a day mind, I need to adjust my eyes to light slowly.
As a I did this I noticed several things:
1. The Beck is our personal swimming pool/river/cycle track/frisbee
field etc. It seemed that every time I went past there were
crowds of small, noisy things that some people refer to as ‘children’
surrounding the place. At first I hovered with a vague interest,
wondering if this was some sort of medieval ceremony where parents
lobbed their children into the beck from on bridge to the other.
Unfortunately, they were just playing.
2. The benches….move. On their own. Really. Every time
I went out the benches on the green in front of the bungalows
had moved. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. It’s like
that game that kids play at school. Every time the teacher turns
round, move your desks (quietly and in synchronisation) backwards.
When the teacher turns round, pretend to be concentrating intently
on the board. Repeat until someone is squashed between their
desk and the back wall. Not that I have ever done this. Ever.
But these benches were sneaky because not only were they not
letting me notice, but they were avoiding the millions of tourists
flocking around as well.
3. Courtesy of the Worsley Arms Hotel and I Just Got Married
Ltd. everyone can now host their garden parties with free entertainment/music
on selected nights only. What you need to do is pop down and
see if there are any wedding receptions on that night and then
go back home, sort the party out and wait patiently for the
music to start. On a good night it’s loud enough to hear
in Japan, but don’t be telling anyone else otherwise they
might start charging.
4. There are some very, very big houses in Hovingham. I noticed
this as I delivered letters to everyone who is opening their
gardens and I feel obliged to say that I wasn’t trying
to be nosy, I was just trying to find your front door and seeing
as your garden is so big and impressive it was kind of hard.
5. Finally, we have our very own jungle at the back of the village.
What used to be the cemetery is now just a lot of long grass.
Beware of taking small dogs in there, you may never get them
back! It’s also a haven for every kind of insect imaginable
so take lots of repellent and shower in it before you step inside.
That’s all for now, I hope you’re all enjoying the
weather (because it’s going to go soon), and that everyone
has a nice summer holiday. Preferably in a bus with a funny
hat on. |
June 2010 |
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